Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
