haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize