He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
