Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
God, you're like boner-b-gone
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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