I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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