Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
