We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
