went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
