I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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