I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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