Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
