Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How many fucks given?
0.12846
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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