Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
