Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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