Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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