1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
