he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
...so i touched it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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