I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
