he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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