the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
