You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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