I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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