ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
