remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
