in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.