I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival