I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
