So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️