this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
