Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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