living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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