Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
