I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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