WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
