theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were trust falling into bushes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
