Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
