Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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