it was like eating out sand paper
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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