You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
