Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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