i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
