im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
