Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
