I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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