My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
