dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
