There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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