looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
