hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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