Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
