Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
