I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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