Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
