we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
