PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
