i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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