we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You are a genius and a whore.
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