i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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