Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
