We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
