It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
