I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
