a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
