I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
