How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
