He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
