I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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