and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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