come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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