girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
