Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
