Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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