I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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