and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
