did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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