Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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