One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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