it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's the barista slut.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
