sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
