I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
