the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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