I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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