i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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