mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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