I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
