There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
