plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
