I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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