My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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