She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
