no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
