She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
