How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
tequila makes me forget i have legs
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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