believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
