His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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